She spent 27 years married to a man who was quietly turning her own children against her — and she's one of the world's leading experts on coercive control.
Dr. Christine Cocchiola (TEDx speaker with 1.5M+ views, trained under Dr. Evan Stark) joins me to expose what's really happening when your child comes home from your ex's house saying words that cut the deepest. Coercive control isn't "hidden abuse" — it's a trajectory: love bombing and mirroring to obtain control, gaslighting and isolation to maintain it, and escalation the moment they sense you slipping away.
We cover why the "fun dad" can be the most dangerous parent in the house, how abusers hand your children poisoned arrows and aim them at you, why your reactivity does the abuser's dirty work, and Dr. Cocchiola's frameworks for fighting back: the 5 pathways to healing (community, radical acceptance, shame reduction, personal power, acknowledged grief) and the 3 Ps for every custody exchange — Predict, Prepare, Protect.
If you've ever frozen in disbelief thinking "that's not my kid" — this episode names exactly who's pulling the strings, and shows you how to pull your children back toward you.
ABOUT DR. COCCHIOLA
Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW, is a recognized expert on coercive control and its impact on adult and child victims. As a college professor of social work, she earned her Doctorate in Clinical Social Work from New York University, where she was mentored by Dr. Evan Stark, a leading authority on coercive control. Dr. Cocchiola presents internationally on the dynamics of coercive control, educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents about children's lived experiences and the most effective intervention strategies for victims of abuse.She is a therapeutic parenting and divorce/custody coach. A social justice advocate since age 19, she developed The Protective Parenting Program, an evidence-based, attachment-focused therapeutic model designed for parents whose children have been harmed by abusive partners.
Connect with Dr. Cocchiola
ABOUT CHELSEY
Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and certified partner trauma therapist helping people trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse. She's the author of the best-selling book If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She hosts the Restoring Resilience podcast and guides survivors to healing through her signature program, Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. You can learn more about working with Chelsey or her resources at www.chelseybrookecole.com
Chelsey's Resources
If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper:
Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook
Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/
Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/
Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program)
Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/
Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free)
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/
Website
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/
(0:00) Coercive Control Is Not Hidden Abuse
(2:01) Her Story: 27 Years of Not Seeing It
(5:12) Narcissism vs. Coercive Control
(12:22) Counter-Parenting: The Huge Red Flag
(15:02) From Castle to Cage
(17:06) The Fun Dad Problem
(22:49) The Poisoned Arrow
(29:14) The 5 Ways We Heal
(37:32) The 3 Ps: Predict, Prepare, Protect
(44:46) Books, Program & Free Masterclass
