When looking at the odder aspects of other people’s and our own behaviour, there is one simple-sounding question we should always keep close to the front of our minds: what did you need to do in your family of origin in order to be loved? and might you still, by extension, unconsciously be operating under these conditions.

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“When looking at the odder aspects of other people’s and our own behaviour, there is one simple-sounding question we should always keep close to the front of our minds: what did you need to do in your family of origin in order to get noticed, cared for and loved? What conditions of love did you grow up with - and might you still, by extension, unconsciously therefore be operating under (for it can take our deep minds a very long time indeed to recognise that they are no longer subject to a parental aegis)? …”

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