What if the biggest blind spot in your leadership isn’t a missing skill, but something you can’t see about yourself? I learned that lesson the hard way, in an ordinary conversation with a family member. In the moment, I thought it went fine. Weeks later, she told me I had shut her down, a moment I didn’t even remember happening, and never meant to cause.
In this milestone 300th episode of the Life Fulfilled Podcast, I go solo to mark the occasion, and unpack a lesson nearly 30 years of studying leadership never fully settled for me: self-awareness is not something you earn once. It’s a daily practice, and it decides whether your influence on the people around you makes them stronger, or heavier.
This story also points to a harder truth. Most people won’t tell you when your influence has weighed them down. They’ll just quietly carry it.
Who This Is For
- Leaders who want to understand how self-awareness shapes the influence they have on others
- Anyone who has ever misjudged how a conversation landed with someone they care about
- Managers and executives leading people through AI adoption or other organizational change
- People navigating a personal transition, a move, a loss, a career change, who are also trying to lead others through it
- Longtime listeners who want the milestone reflection behind 300 episodes of the show
Five Key Takeaways
1. Self-awareness is a daily practice, not a certificate you earn once. I’ve spent more than 30 years studying leadership and talked to hundreds of guests about it on this podcast, yet I still missed the moment my own words closed a door on a beloved family member. Self-awareness, I argue, has to be practiced daily, in every room, with everyone, because it is easy to lose track of.
2. Leadership is influence, not a title. If you have ever influenced another person, at work, at home, or in your community, you have led, whether or not you carry a formal title. My core claim: everyone carries that responsibility, whether they want it or not.
3. The most ineffective leaders never learned to lead themselves. Before you can lead anyone else well, I argue that you have to know how you show up and how that shows up in the people around you. The starting line for every leader, in my view, is self-leadership.
4. Change reveals whether your influence builds trust or fear. I outline four moves for leading through change, at work or at home: reduce fear, create clarity, preserve meaning, and build adaptability. I developed these to help leaders drive AI adoption, but they apply to any change people are living through, a merger, a move, a loss.
5. Most people won’t tell you when your influence made them feel heavier. My family member did, and I call that a gift most people never receive. My challenge to listeners: ask the question yourself, in every conversation, starting today. Does your influence make people stronger, or does it make them heavier?
Resources From Bernie
Download the FREE 90 Day Self Leadership Blueprint
https://fulfilledatworkacademy.com/self-leadership-blueprint
Catch episode 294: The Self Leadership Plan Built to Last
https://fulfilledatworkacademy.com/podcast/ep-294-the-self-leadership-plan-built-to-last-when-life-pushes-back/
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Connect With Bernie Borges
Website: https://fulfilledatworkacademy.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bernieborges/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bernieborges/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bernieborges
Speaking: https://fulfilledatworkacademy.com/speaking/
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— Bernie Borges, Host, The Life Fulfilled Podcast
Music Attribution
Old Bossa
Twin Musicom
Suno
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