Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich speaks with Sana and Arhem, both 27 and newly married. One month before their wedding, Arhem revealed that he had hidden $30,000 of credit card debt. After they both lost their jobs, Sana discovered that he had fallen even further into debt without telling her.
Today, they earn $188,000 a year and have created an aggressive plan to tackle their $165,000 of total debt. But while their numbers are improving, the betrayal has fundamentally changed their relationship. Sana has become the financial orchestrator, while Arhem feels like a student trying to prove that he can be trusted again.
In this episode we uncover:
• Why Arhem hid $30,000 of credit card debt before their wedding • How Sana discovered that the debt had grown again
• Why the financial betrayal nearly ended their relationship
• How they are rebuilding trust after years of secrecy
• Their professor-and-student dynamic with money
• Why Sana feels responsible for supporting her entire family
• How cultural expectations shape her financial decisions
• Their $188,000 income and $165,000 of total debt
• Why their highly organized financial system still feels joyless
• How Arhem accumulated his credit card debt
• Why earning more money will not stop Sana from worrying
• The danger of postponing happiness until they are debt-free
• Why their debt payoff plan may be too aggressive
• The connection between joint finances and rebuilding trust
• Why Ramit recommends couples therapy
• How they can start prioritizing their marriage • The changes Sana and Arhem made after the conversation
Chapters:
(00:00:00) Introduction
(00:03:09) Arhem hid $30,000 of debt before their wedding
(00:08:06) “If things don’t change, the relationship is done”
(00:12:40) Can Sana ever completely trust Arhem again?
(00:15:26) Their professor-and-student money dynamic
(00:17:35) Why Sana feels responsible for supporting her family
(00:28:18) Their $165,000 debt and negative net worth
(00:30:27) They earn $188,000—but live like they’re struggling
(00:35:12) “When do I actually get to enjoy my life?”
(00:46:26) Sana’s childhood money rules
(00:56:26) How Arhem accumulated his credit card debt
(01:04:02) What does their Rich Life actually look like?
(01:09:14) Why their relationship keeps coming second
(01:17:53) Ramit reviews their aggressive debt payoff plan
(01:21:46) Why they need to start spending on joy now
(01:29:47) Joint finances, trust, and couples therapy
(01:36:35) Putting their marriage ahead of everyone else
(01:47:33) Sana and Arhem’s biggest realizations
(01:55:02) Six weeks later: what changed?
This episode is brought to you by:
Fabric by Gerber Life | Go to meetfabric.com/RAMIT and apply today, risk-free
Wispr Flow | Try Wispr Flow for free at wisprflow.ai/ramitDeleteMe | Get 20% off all consumer plans when you go to https://joindeleteme.com/ramit and use promo code RAMIT at checkout
Shopify | Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/ramit
If you’re part of a small group listening to this podcast that is willing to take action, I built Road to $100K for you - a step-by-step program on how to reach $100K. Join Rich Life: Road to $100K at iwt.com/100K.
Connect with Ramit
• Get my new book, Money For Couples
• Join my Rich Life: Road to $100K program
• Download the Conscious Spending Plan
• Listen to my book—now on Audible
• Get my New York Times best-selling book
• Get my no-numbers journal
• Other episodes
• Instagram
• Twitter
• YouTube
Apply to be coached for free on this podcast at https://iwt.com/apply
