John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998) storms the Bad Movies Rule table after Dwayne from Tennessee cashed in his Full Dudikoff pick. James Woods leads a Vatican-backed slayer squad that hunts bloodsuckers the hard way: cable-gun, Jeep winch, and enough F-bombs to bless a whole motel. First-time guest Luke joins James, Clint, and Dave as they rip into dirt-nap masters, a 48-hour “romance” that starts with a punch, a priest who won’t stay in his lane, and a plot that keeps inventing new vampire rules just so it can break them. Crosses don’t work. Garlic gets you bent over. And somebody really wants to know who got a boner. Grab a stake and hit play.
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