Have you ever done something you swore you wouldn't do again? Maybe you had too many drinks, ate the whole thing when you meant to have a bite, or started texting that ex you swore you wouldn't talk to again. And then instead of feeling bad for a minute and moving on, you spiral into a cycle of shame, secrecy and self-destruction.
My guest is Dr. Frank Spinelli, a physician with more than 20 years of clinical experience. He's also survivor of childhood sexual abuse and a shame expert who now works with hundreds of clients who working through shame.
Some of the things we discuss are:
The difference between guilt and shame
The four archetypal shame responses (avoid, attack self, attack other, withdraw)
Why shame lives in silence
The connection between shame and the behaviors we can't stop (drinking too much, secret eating, doomscrolling, the habits we swear we'll quit)
What "shame literacy" is — and why most of us were never taught it
Why the internal script "what's wrong with me?" makes shame worse
The unexpected forms of shame
Why "I should be over this by now" is one of the most damaging things we say to ourselves
The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for breaking the shame spiral starting today
Related Episodes
64 – Heal From Shame and Transform Your Self-Worth with Therapist Sheila Rubin
124 — Stop Self-Sabotage: 7 Reasons You Are Holding Yourself Back and How to Stop Once and For All
Links & Resources
The Shame Compass
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